We know that Hispanics, blacks, Asians, Native Americans, Arabs, and people of all other ethnicities and skin tones read Unfiltered Patriot, but today, we’re going to be talking only to white readers. Don’t take offense. Everyone else can stick around, but just know that you may hear some things that will shock you.
All right, so here we go.
Let’s revisit that special moment in every young white child’s life – a moment that we never talk about in mixed company for obvious reasons. It’s that unforgettable moment when your parents sat you down and showed you THE BOOK for the first time. It might have gone something like this:
“We have something very important to share with you, Johnny,” Dad said. “It’s a book that you’ll find indispensable as you navigate this awful world, with all of its inferior races.”
“Oh, cool,” Johnny said. “What is it?”
“Well,” Mom said, “you know what a dictionary is, right? Well, this is a special dictionary, just for people like us.”
Dad smiled. “Yes, it is exciting, but it’s also very sad. See, this book is a list of secret words and phrases that white people use to tell the truth about blacks and other undesirables. It used to be that we could just say these things freely, with no fear of recrimination.”
“But times have changed,” Mom said, frowning.
“Yes they have,” Dad said. “Those good for nothing, scum-sucking, welfare-scamming–”
“That’s enough,” Mom said, putting her hand gently on his knee.
“Sorry,” he said. “I just get worked up thinking about it. Anyway, Johnny, here it is.”
Johnny took the thick volume and ran his hand over the leather binding. “What’s it called?” he asked, seeing no title.
“It has no name,” Dad said. “We just call it The Book. Turn to it in times of trouble. Whenever you need to communicate certain truths to others of our kind, this book will tell you how to say it without getting into trouble.”
“Golly,” Johnny said, thumbing through the pages. “Sure seems like a lot of work. I wish we could just go back to calling them–”
“We can’t,” Dad said, cutting him off. “We just…can’t.”
The Book has served us well over the years, but sadly, some traitorous whites have begun spilling the beans. People like Bill Clinton, who had the gall to tell Orlando rally-goers on Wednesday about the entry on page 445: “Make America Great Again.”
“I’m actually old enough to remember the good old days, and they weren’t all that good in many ways,” Clinton said. “That message where ‘I’ll give you America great again’ is, if you’re a white southerner, you know exactly what it means, don’t you? What it means is ‘I’ll give you an economy you had 50 years ago, and I’ll move you back up on the social totem pole and other people down.'”
Which is, of course, an exact quote from our untitled, unmentionable private dictionary.
We already knew that Clinton owned a copy of The Book. We knew it because he used that special code phrase himself in a 2008 campaign ad for his wife. “It’s time for another comeback,” he said then. “It’s time to make America great again.”
And all of us whites turned to our Books and thought, Ah. Yes, yes it is, Mr. Clinton. Yes, yes it is.
But apparently, he’s now turned his back on his people. What a disgrace.
Thanks to snitches like Bill Clinton, we’re going to need an updated Book. All of our secret codes are being exposed.
This time, we’re going to have to be more careful about who gets a copy.