Welcome back to “White America is Evil,” the talk show for liberals who are sick and tired of hearing about such outdated concepts as “individual responsibility.” I’m your host, Jack Murphy, and today we’re talking with Fran Mercer. Fran’s going to tell us about a beautiful little program they’re running up at Oregon State University!
Thank you for having me, Jack. And I’d like to wish everyone at home a Happy White Privilege Day.
Is that today? I thought that was last week?
Well, Jack, when it comes to white privilege, there are no days off.
What a wonderful point, Fran. Tell us what Oregon State is doing to help their students see the truth!
Oh, Jack, it’s absolutely triumphant. Over the last year, the university has spent $11,500 on three separate, segregated retreats that have allowed students to examine America’s history of racism and oppression.
My goodness, that’s a lot of money. Are you sure about that figure?
Quite sure, Jack. It’s all in a new College Fix article. They even break down how much was spent on each retreat.
This I have to hear!
Well, according to College Fix, the university spent $5,017 on a “Racial Aikido” getaway for students of color. Then they spent another $5,857 on a retreat for white students, or at least those students who identify as white.
Hmm, yes, we must make that distinction.
Of course. Then there was a third, smaller retreat that invited multiracial students to “explore the role of physical appearance” in the modern world.
The blacker the better, that’s what I always say!
Right. Well. Um. In any case, one school official said that these retreats were every bit as important for students as their core classes.
That goes without saying, Fran. Especially since most of those subjects have been derived from centuries of white scholarship. The university would do their students a favor by dropping those classes altogether!
Tell me, Fran, has there been any opposition to the retreats from the evil white patriarchy?
Some, but the campus newspaper put the kibosh on that with just three simple words.
I love anticipation! What did they say?
“Check your privilege.”
My god, I haven’t had chills like this since Amazon stopped selling Confederate flags. What’s next in this powerful movement?
Well, Jack, the sky’s the limit at this point. We overcame the worst of societal racism a long time ago. We managed to basically take over the mainstream media. And we’ve got an unbreakable grip on higher education. But despite all of our efforts, there was always something standing in our way. Something we couldn’t get around, no matter how hard we tried. Finally, over the last two years, we’ve crushed the last obstacle standing between us and a complete remake of the United States.
What obstacle? The Republican Party?
No, Jack. Our greatest enemy: Common sense.
My chills are back!